잃어버린 경청의 기술 (The Lost Art of Listening) By Dr. Michael P. Nichols

마이클 니콜스 박사는 경청의 기술에 대해 자신의 저서를 통해  암묵적 가정이나 정서적 방어벽을 내려놓고 경청해야 함의 중요성에 대해 잘 설명해주고 있습니다. 경청이 잘 안될 때 다른 사람에게 소통하고 우리들의 얘기를 상대방이 잘 듣도록 정서적인 반응을 통제하기 위한 방법들을 제안합니다.

마이클에 따르면, 훌륭한 경청을 위해서는 상대방의 경험 안으로 들어가기 위해 자신의 선입견을 내려놓음으로써 얻게 되는 공감(empathy)이 절대적으로 필요하다고 합니다.  그는 또한 경청을 방해하는 것들의 목록(특히 감정의 과잉 반응으로 인한 방어적 태도)을 제시합니다…

Dr. Michael P. Nichols examines the importance of listening and the covert assumptions,
emotional defensiveness, and unconscious needs that inhibit good listening. He
suggests ways to break through to others when listening has broken down and to
control emotional reactions so that we may be better heard. He argues that the
essence of good listening is empathy, achieved by suspending preoccupation with self
to enter the experience of others. Practical suggestions are offered for handling
interruptions, moving beyond assumptions, and defusing anger. He also explains what
listening isn’t, explaining why people don’t listen and listing obstacles to listening
(especially defensiveness owing to emotional overreaction).
Really taking to heart and clearly understanding what a person says and intends are

essential to effective communication in every kind of relationship.
Listening is critical in order to be effective in ministry, especially in the ministry of
counseling others and giving guidance. I appreciated how Dr. Nichols observed the
importance of being sensitive to other people’s inner voices. He shared that failing to
be sensitive to another person’s need to be heard is to give unwanted advise. He
suggested that before advice is given, the adviser should remember conflicting inner
voices. By doing this, it allows the adviser to have a fresh perspective on the advisee’s
feelings and how to approach that person about a sensitive issue.
Lastly, I came into a greater understanding of the differences between sympathy
and empathy. I believe this is vital, especially in the area of providing counseling and
giving guidance. Although sympathy is to share the same feelings and emotions as
another, empathy is to understand and feel what another is experiencing from the other
person’s frame of reference. From a broader perspective, I realize that sympathy is
more so subjective while empathy is more so objective. In other words, when one
shows sympathy there is a tendency to take another’s issue personally, and when one
shows empathy, the tendency is to honestly understand the issue without taking the
situation personally. The listener’s most important job is to be empathetic.